Hey, these are personal to me, not you. Don't be offended by these. If you are though please e-mail me with all the lovely bitchin's.
purgatory_stuc@lycos.com
Wavelength : Graves
When you got drunk and recorded everything that you wanted to get out ofyourself I realized that drugs and alchol can affect the way you open yourmind and let everything your truly feeling spill out of you like vomit (Whichusually comes after the alcohol anyway) The drugs deplete your inhibitions tosay what everyone wants to hear not needs to hear. This way they will know
exactly what the fuck they should have been listening to and have no choice
cause your saying it. They say god made man in the image of himself, well
the majority of the people on this fucking planet are assholes so I guess
this makes god an asshole, I KNEW IT!!!! Basically there is a point to this
seemingly always getting fucked in the ass existance. Friends, friendships
the hope of having someone to bitch about your life to and listen to them
bitch about their's. Going to bars, getting wasted and saying things like:
"Work sure sucked today.", "Fucking kids.", "Did you see the Tyson fight last
night?", "Damn check out that ass."etc............................Friends are
what makes this piece of shit I call America tolerateable. I hate it when
people say "You shouldn't complain, theres people that have it worse than
you.".........Sorry but I really don't give a fuck about them I'm sad to, so
what like now it's my fault that I'm sad and I should feel guilty because
some fucking crackhead somewhere has it worse than me...Fuck that and Fuck
them. Fuck the government who left England to get away from taxes that now
has more taxes than we ever started out having. Basically this world is one
long never ending piece of shit infomercial. Someone is always trying to
sell you something, this is called capitalism, it makes the rich snobs and
the poor drug addicts, the best a person can do is to have a friend to sit
next to and watch this fucking commercial with.
I love you T-Mo,
-Graves
Raw habbits - A section by T-mo
Update: 07/26/01
You Can’t Fight Fire With Fire
You Can’t fight fire with fire; it just doesn’t work. In the same sense, why should we fight the recent terrorists’ violent attacks, with more violence? It would create an endless cycle until someone gave up. Since we have the power and decision right now, why not end the cycle before it begins. It would save many lives and possibly a whole country with the weapons technology of today.
As an American I am angered and deeply saddened by the attacks. I don’t understand how someone could kill so many innocent people. The recent attacks are something that has hurt our country both emotionally and financially. Why should we do the same to another country? It Wasn’t even another country who attacked us. By attacking Afghanistan, or any other country, wouldn’t we be killing more innocent people in the process? That is how the cycle begins.
We also claim that America will fight the war against terrorism. Terrorism is all over the world we live in. By trying to eliminate all the terrorism that we can, we would also be harming or even killing more innocent people in the process. I do, however, think it necessary for the person or persons who are responsible for these inhumane attacks have justice brought upon them. That is the best way to prove a point. Show everybody you can, and will, catch whoever tries an attack like this and prosecute that person; to me that proves a great point without hurting others who were not involved. But it must stop there. You can’t fight fire with fire.
T-Mo
Life is death. Think about it. Every second you're alive you're getting closer to death. From the very instant we're born unto the womb we live to die. As we grow older we face death. Is it our fate for one to die at a certain time in a certain place? If death is fate though,then how can any one individual have the power to take thier own life? Is that fate?
Some people say to make the most of your life while you're here. If I were to truly make the most of my life I would be sitting in a jail cell or in a prison somewhere. Making the most of my life, to me, is not falling into the ranks of an upstanding citizen of society. Its not holding down a job to pay bills. Its not following every single rule and/or law. Making the most of life would cause harm to others and the environment around me. I wouldn't have a job. I wouldn't buy anything. I woulnd't pay rent or bills. I wouldn't worry about others because, in making the most of my life, I wouldn't have time for others.
Now I realize that I will die; I'm very excited about this. I will tolerate people telling me to make the most of my life. I can't make the most of my life. I will, though, do what I can to enjoy my life. I try to enjoy it, because with every second that passes I'm getting closer to my death. You should also do what you can to enjoy your own life. You are also getting closer to death.
T-Mo
Update : 07/07/01 Note: The other night I was inhailing ether, smoking pot, and snorting low-grade speed. These are the expeirences I had. This is to best of my memory. I recorded these while coming down off the dope and not being able to sleep because of the speed. I do not in any way suggest anyone try any of the drugs mentioned, because drugs are just bad. MMMMMM-kay.
It started out like soft jaws clamping down all around my face. From there it progressed into a vibrating feeling. Suddenly I had the ability to climb. At the time, it seemed like something i had always wantwed to do but never could. I was thrilled to be able to climb a full story up an apartment complex. Back inside just sitting around, inhailing of course, I couldn't control my laughing as the vibrating feeling I felt around my face seemed to seap in through my skin and numb everything from neck up. Accepting an invatation to go smoke, it was an akward feeling to stand and walk. Now, either before or after the smoking there was some snorting. Though I can't remember the order when. Smoking seemed to have no affect untill I stood up. Lightheaded and heavy-footed I did my best to make my way back to my seat. More inhailing. There was plenty of light in the room at the time. Dry mouth set in and I went for a drink. Blankets were put over the windows while I quenched my thirst. Heading to my seat, it seemed like steping into a completly different world. And in time I would it was completly different. From here things got really blurry. All I remember is: put the soaked rag to my mouth, inhale, put rag down, exhale, repeat. This went on for a time which seemed to never end. (NOTE: We were listening to music and every time the song was stopped, everything else seemed to stop or slow down with it.) Now, I can only remember glimpses of trying to get out of the repeativeness I mentioned earlier. Then arguing about who was more homosexual with a friend. Then my friend was in the corner. I was trying to convince him to back to his seat and him horroified of me. Somehow he ended up back in his seat and arguing began again. Memorys of all this are still very blurry. After settling down, I became terorrified I would never stop "tripping". I kept seeing some kind of puzzle affect. It was like peices of a picture falling diagonally(bottom-left) . I can't figure out why I thought this was like a puzzle though. The repeativeness came back to join the "puzzle affect." I can remember thinking I was already dead; or I was about to figure out the meaning of life and then I lost grasp of all rational thoughts again. All this kept up for what seemed like a time that would never end. Then the music stopped and the scenery was changed. We all went out for a little smoke break. This was great. No more puzzle affect or reaptiveness. It was like going closer to reality. But it didn't last long. Back inside it all started again when the music started. I wanted to get out, and get out quick. I thought I would be trapped in the repeatative puzzle world forever. Every so often I would stop and and have a strange feeling that me and my friend were acting incredibly stupid. I was always told that we were. I wanted to stop acting stupid but always fell back into the deep trip. Everthing after that seemed to happen very quickly then very slowly. I couldn't keep track. Before I knew it I was in a different house in a blur. So kids... unless you want to almost get caught in repeatative puzzle worlds, don't do drugs. ( I should also note: The whole time, especially at the start, I was very paranoid. Everybody was starring at me and laughing at me.)
T-Mo
Update : 07/01/02 Note: The other night I got drunk. Some how I found the tape recorder. I started taliking about stuff though I don't really remeber it. Anywho, here is what I said. I've typed it up exactly how I said it on tape while listening to the recording so please excuse any gramatical misstakes. Remember, I was drunk and this is EXACTLY what I said:
i've just realized my pathatic existience to this world. What are we doing here? We all laugh we cry, but is anyone truly happy with their life? Is any one truly satisfied? Can anyone individual say that they have lived a throuogh comfortably life and are now ready to face whatever is next? Be it hell, be it heavan; basically death. We're all just prisoners, we're all just living. There is no meaning to this cruel harsh and none-lovlin'(?) world. Its all just a game, we're here for no reason. We live life at our own expense, affecting others lives around us. Everything we do or say affects the people around us no matter if want it too or not it just happens that way. So you have to be careful with your actions that you choose and the words that you choose. Cause if want to harm somebody, then you have the power to. If you want to love somebody you have the power too. We all have equal power, we just have to find it in our own selves. There is no one true great being such as jesus christ or god, or satan even, for that matter. We're all the same, some of us ar- Some of us use our abilities better than the others and- its not fair. The world is not fair. This life is not fair. The fact that we live were people think they are better, or even some know they are better under the false knowledge that they have, its not fair. And so weak beings like myself, cry and find an exscape through drugs and laughter, looking for a better way, a way that these other people, these other living breathing organisms that we classify as the human race, know how to use their abilities to their fullest. While we are struggling to find our abilities. I can say that the best ability I can use to the fullest is kickin' ass. Not anyones ass, mysel- own self, my selfs ass. I'm good at that. Because the worlds not fair and I dont like it and i'm to weak and vulnarble to go out and try to change it, change myself, so i'll just kill myself. Kick my own ass. I live life to the fullest on my standards. I don't live it the way I wanna live it, or the way I would like to live it. I live it the way I wanna live it to the best I can live it. Its unfair. We're in a game and we're all the players. jesus christ and satan are the coaches and god is the ultimate refferee. But their unfair they're not real, thy're just pathatic beings like ourselves, made up by another pathatic being being among us. and of course all these fukin' idiots beleive that pathatic being that nakes up the stories of god and jesus christ and satan. What did jesus have to prove? He fukin died on the cross when had all those powers he could of saved his self and gotten away from all those people and for what, to come back seven days later, ressurected. To come back, thats weak, thats not showing anybody anything. To me, that just proves that jesus is a pathatic being like myself. He runs from his problems, he was faced with the problems of crucifiction and stoning and the whip and the thorn cro-crown or whatever and he couldn't handle it. So he ran and died for seven days before coming back. After everything had blown over, a whole week, he hid from his problems, till everything had blown over.He's just like me. I run from my problems, i'm a fukin' sorry assed bastard. Take a good look at yourself, I mean Really take a good look at youself. Take a good look. Even if you just glimpse, take a look at yourself. You're no better than me, you just use simple words and actions and the gift that you were granted with beauty. Beauty that others see, just like the ugliness they see in me. And you use those words and your actions and your gift of beauty to put other people under false impressions and for what? get a little pussy,get a job, get some free shit. I hate you all. But don't be offended because I hate myself more. Its not worth it. This world is unfair. Fuck god. Fuck jesus. Fuck satan. they were all just pathatice fukin' beings like us, classified as gods and immortals who will live on for ever, where as we are just classified as humans who will die in measly fukin 20 to 50 years average. Its unfair. They're not even real and they're all ready better than us. If they have that kind of power created by someone such as myself. Just an average fukin' piss-ant low-grade son-of-a-bitch human being, like myself. Then why can't I create an ultimate power. Create, thats what they do. They use their abilities that they have found, which I am searching for in a desperate journey through streets and grass and trees and side walks and BI-LO, to find find my abilities that they've already found and they've created an ultimate power and placed that power within themselves. And sense they have found that ability to create that power in themselves the other people, the other shit-faced fukin' people see that power. They respect it, cause they know that this person they are watching has found their abilities to create this power and maybe if they're around this person long enough they can find their abilities to create thier own power. And then they'll move along and make so called friends. They'll break hearts. They'll mend relationships and open wounds and care for the scabs till they're nothing but a scar in that beings mind just a memory. A memory faded by alcohol and other such drugs. A memory thats in the past and cannot be changed. You have to find this person that will accept you that has this abilities to create this powers for themselves. You have to use that person. Because thats what we all do, we use each other so we can enjoy our own life. You may not realize it but, if you're married or have kids, or even a fukin' dog, another speices so to speak, a cat, a little gerbal. We use each other. We use the dog for what we like to call unconditionnal love, and affection because that poor speices knows no better. It wants to be fead, it wants to be played with, so its gonna love us its gonna use us so it can get what it wants. And thats exactly what we do to each other. We use each other. Its unfair. And its not right.
T-Mo
